Walkin down the street just yesterday, got myself kicked out of the NBA! Yo my name is joe and i aint got no doe but i really gotta go!!! Maybe ill become a ho?
This was very bad. Not as bad as the huge sweaty picture you have at the top, but you know, bad. (Seriously, can you change that picture? I really think it hurts your blog traffic. People click on your link and they panic, thinking they went to some inappropriate site or something.)
Anyway, this poem was definitely one of the worst. And I don't mean that as a compliment. It wasn't so bad it was good. It was so bad it was terrible. It didn't even look like a poem. It looked like a short paragraph. Great job. I'm not sure which was worse. Your use of the exclamation point or your rhyming. "Yo my name is joe and i aint go no dough but i really gotta go!!!" That is so very very bad. Good job.
Oh, I forgot to give you an idea for your second draft. How about a guy who has no money. He's broke and he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't have to be a gangster, though. He could be a father or an artist or a woman or a child. I don't know. But poverty and hopelessness is a good place to start.
So you spent like two seconds on this, and it is two sentences long. You should consider putting more time and effort into your work. I like how its basketball though.
This was very bad. Not as bad as the huge sweaty picture you have at the top, but you know, bad. (Seriously, can you change that picture? I really think it hurts your blog traffic. People click on your link and they panic, thinking they went to some inappropriate site or something.)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this poem was definitely one of the worst. And I don't mean that as a compliment. It wasn't so bad it was good. It was so bad it was terrible. It didn't even look like a poem. It looked like a short paragraph. Great job. I'm not sure which was worse. Your use of the exclamation point or your rhyming. "Yo my name is joe and i aint go no dough but i really gotta go!!!" That is so very very bad. Good job.
Oh, I forgot to give you an idea for your second draft. How about a guy who has no money. He's broke and he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't have to be a gangster, though. He could be a father or an artist or a woman or a child. I don't know. But poverty and hopelessness is a good place to start.
ReplyDeleteSo you spent like two seconds on this, and it is two sentences long. You should consider putting more time and effort into your work. I like how its basketball though.
ReplyDelete